Wednesday, October 03, 2007

WHY can't I just enjoy good days???

We had another great day with Matthew attending a full day of school. It is so nice to see him come home and feel well enough to do homework, eat dinner, etc... He had his weekly blood draw early this morning and his counts are actually looking really great. His ANC is within the NORMAL range! His platelets and hematocrit are both a bit low, but not so low that he would need a transfusion. His sodium was a little high, and I think that's a result of me not being able to obsess and push fluids all day while he's been at school. Today I sent him with a 32 oz. water bottle and strict instructions that he had to drink it all by the end of the school day and that he had to drink all of his milk at lunch. If he can get in 40 oz. at school, then I can encourage the rest both before and after school.

So, why am I so crazy? I am now worried that if he feels this great during chemo., it can't possibly be doing what it is supposed to be doing!! See, I can't win (or rather the doctors can't). If he has a ton of side effects I think the chemo. is too strong. If he has too few side effects, I think it's not strong enough. Sheesh... Can't I just be thankful that this round he is doing well? If I think about it enough, I can assume it's Heavenly Father's way of helping me get through this last month of pregnancy. It should be nice to be able to stop worrying a little bit about Matt, and focus on this new baby who is going to be here before I know it!

Poor William has had a little bit of a flu-bug today. He threw up this morning, and also had a fever. I kept him home and he just hasn't been able to keep anything down all day. Poor guy! If he still feels crummy tomorrow and continues throwing everything up, we'll go see the doctor. On a selfish note, I am feeling tired of being home cleaning up vomit! My kids have all had a very throw-uppy couple of months, and I am getting a little bit tired of it!

Love,
-Alli

5 comments:

Karen and Lew said...

It's OK to be conflicted about good news. Even positive events in your life can cause stress and worry. After all, you've spent the last few months living with chaos. That's what your brain chemistry has adjusted to. Now that things have settled into a routine your body is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just hang in there and remember that things will get chaotic again when Junior Goodworth makes his first appearance. Won't that be fun?! I am very glad that Matthew is doing well. I am sure he is happy to be going to school again. Tell Will I hope he feels better.

Katie said...

I hear you about sick kids! I hope that the flu has left your house for the winter (ha ha) and that you'll all be vomit-free from here on out!

Katie said...

I tagged you for fun...

http://ourownprivateidaho.blogspot.com/2007/10/im-it.html

funlearning said...

I totally understand where you're coming from about the side effects of chemo. Kelsey has been on chemo since June and has been doing wonderful. You'd never know she was on it. She hasn't lost any hair from it. She isn't throwing up. She hasn't had to have a transfusion since she stopped having radiation. Honestly, she hasn't had any side effects. I thought we were just blessed. Then yesterday I got the news that her tumor has grown. Now I'm thinking, maybe the chemo hasn't affected her at all. The reason there were no side effects is because he hasn't been working. Does that make sense? I hope you'll be able to relax a bit. It's hard not to stress over every little thing.

alligood said...

"Then yesterday I got the news that her tumor has grown. Now I'm thinking, maybe the chemo hasn't affected her at all. The reason there were no side effects is because he hasn't been working. Does that make sense?"

That is my fear - EXACTLY!!! Matt is due for his next big set of brain/spine scans on the 22nd and I am extremely anxious to see if this chemo. is having any effect!